my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
