he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
