left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
