Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
