I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
