walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
