A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
