I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
