he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
