Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
