and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
