I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Success! We fucked roommates!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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