i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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