So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
