What a fucking waste of an outfit
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
