OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
