You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
