I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
