We're like a lot better than the average bears
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He shit in the fireplace
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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