my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
