so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
