2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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