your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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