Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
