Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
