I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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