theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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