i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
