well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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