I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
