U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
