Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
