you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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