I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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