I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
