Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
