she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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