she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
