just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
it glows. i had to have it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
