Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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