How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
