I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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