We named our party play list daddy issues
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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