Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
