No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
