Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
