I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
