Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize