I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
