I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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