My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize