Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
