Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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