so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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