I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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