Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
