I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize