I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
