I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
