i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
