I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
