i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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