I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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