How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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