apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
