I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
