Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
