even my farts smell like vagina
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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