if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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