You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
