How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
