I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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