I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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