You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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