Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize