Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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