Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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