he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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