i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
